Don’t Get Mad, Get Curious
Don’t Get Mad, Get Curious
J, a good friend from mine was in the post office on a recent day, waiting in the line. She realized that she required an application form, so she went to the table just a few feet away to fill in the form and then returned to her spot in the line. The person in front of her in line, however, was already in her spot and appeared unwilling to change his position. J began to claim the fact that she "was on line," but she stumbled, admitting, "No, those are the rules - step out of line, lose your place." When he heard this, the man's brash attitude immediately changed, and the man suggested that she go back ahead of him. J refused, but once they reached the top of the queue, he demanded that she proceed over him. They ended up in neighboring windows. When the man had finished his work and he turned to J and smiled at her, "Have a nice day." What could have been a tense exchange turned into an enjoyable interaction. Everyone has their own rules . It's a vast and often unconscious, set of beliefs and expectations about what we believe people should behave that were developed to create some sense of control in our busy, hectic lives. For me, living in a city that is crowded like New York where countless encounters with strangers are the routine, the multitude of conflicting "rules" is all too evident, in the subway, on the sidewalk or in the cinema... To try to create an agreement, New York magazine's Urban Etiquette Handbook outlined modern-day guidelines for some of the most threatening social situations, like using a cell phone, Blackberry or iPod and subway etiquette (yikes Who knew eyelash curling was not a good idea?!) as well as breaking up with your stylist. However, for the majority of cases it's not advisable to think that there is a consensus and even less consensus regarding which "rules" are. Visit:- https://hoalys.edu.vn/ Furthermore, they alter depending on the context. (As mentioned within the Urban Handbook, holding the doors open of the train for someone to board is not a good idea unless, of course you're the one who is rushing to catch to board the train.) The guidelines that each of us have to follow with regard to the people we care about are more complicated and varying. Did they make contact regularly enough, use the appropriate words, put aside the appropriate amount on the right present, treat our friends properly, and demonstrate their respect and love in the manner you were "supposed" to? We rarely explain to other people what our personal rules are, rather we assume that everyone else adheres to the same rules of conduct. However, with our different social, educational, and cultural backgrounds as well as our unique experiences in life How could we all come up with the same set of rules? The members in the family may have diverse references and sensitivities and consequently react differently in similar circumstances. Some people might believe that an especially home-cooked meal is the ideal birthday party and another may think that anything less than a seven-course dinner in a fine restaurant is a slap in the face. Therefore, expecting other people to be able to recognize and follow your guidelines is not going to lead to your stress-free life you're hoping to create. Indeed, this vigilance enforcement is likely to only increase your anxiety and stress. Here are some tips to guide you through the world filled with "unruly" behavior: Be curious. The first rule of the rules is to not be a victim. Most of the time it's not about you. People, especially strangers, aren't reacting to you specifically . How could they possibly be aware of you? Instead, they're acting on their own opinions, fears, and frustrations or may be experiencing a bad day. If you are about to lose your cool or go on the bait, take a deep breath , and consider what rule or notion you bring into the scenario. Are you saying "How dare he think his time is more valuable than mine!" Or "People always take advantage of me--they must think I'm a push-over." Ask "Is it really true? How do I know that he thinks his time is more valuable than mine?" Take a moment to think about the reason why the other person took the action they did, as well... Find a way to be creative. See if you can think of a several different explanations. Maybe the person at the post office in the story above had an encounter with rude people who pushed ahead of him when they were waiting in line Perhaps he came from an eight-member family and was taught to be a fighter for his position; or perhaps the man was a busy small-business owner who believed there were better tasks to complete than sending his own mail - whatever it was, he was bound by an individual rule the reason for the initial reaction. If you are a bit curious and imagination, you could then start with...

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